I miss being a Superhero (fabulous bespoke universe)

I long for the days of past when I felt deep down like everything was going to be ok.  Everything is not ok, and it never will be.  That is the price of knowledge.

"Wisdom's a gift but you'd trade it for youth

Age is a honor,  but it's still not the truth,"

I am so thankful to be in possession of the lessons I have learned, it's like my life is a black scratch off paper - and its getting so beautiful as those colors reveal themselves.  But the pain is so intense.  With the beauty of the depth of knowledge that has come the price has been almost always suffering. Maybe others can learn lessons in less painful ways, but I guess my lessons were mine and mine alone, so they caused only me pain and could teach only me.  What a fabulous bespoke Universe we live in.

At different times I have felt like I was flying through life - just could not understand how it all could be so good, but feeling happy and so grateful.  It gets harder to be grateful for life when it makes you cry at 3am.  But it is life, and the cycle of life is so hard.

Today I said that I would give up my Mom to spare her the pain of losing me.  It is said to go against nature to lose a child, but a hundred years ago that would have been so different.  I think fear is really really scary.  Living a best life is an excellent defense to fearing death.

I hope that a life well lived and progeny on bright paths surrounded by love makes one facing the sunset of their earthside time feel fulfilled.  I hope they can see what surrounds them and feel the fullness of love and the promise of a bright future for generations to come that is rooted in their years of hard work, sacrifice, love and humor.

In the past it all seemed so easy...it’s not like as a girl I never pondered the career versus homemaker path- I thought back then they just weren’t trying hard enough, my lack of understanding made it seem so clear and simple.  Knowing how things are muddies the water of understanding.
It gets more complicated and less black and white.